The Parody Of Tesseract
by Lady Heston of Bloomingshire
Summary: The title is the summunary...
1. Beggening

_Well hello there! You might be asking yourself. Who would parody The Tale Of Tesseract and make it into The Parody Of Tesseract? Who would make fun of another person's story?Well... I did. _

_Declaimer: The material in this story belongs to Maxis. And most of the characters, the plot, the original story belongs to njkilleen._  
_Ask for me? I mearly own some of the characters and the stupid idea for this._

_A load of Grox, Tharians, Scorpak, Chimera, other aliens and people were both phiscally and mentally harmed in the making of this story._

_So..._  
_Um..._  
_Lets begin..._

* * *

At sector 17Δ CF-3, on Galactic date 3247b6, something materialized. It blasted into our world, streaking through the vacuum of space at faster than the speed of light. It raged through nebulae and exploding stars, heading straight for the Aeron Galaxy. Nothing could stop its course. The object was only 2 feet wide, but it was the most powerful thing in the known universe.

DUN DUN DUN!

**A long time after that:**

It was a splendid day on planet Thar, the Thar-Star was blazing, the Thar-Clouds were drifting lazily in the sky, the Thar-Cars drifted through the Tharian air carrying busy Tharians on their way to work. Somewhere else little Tharians were already in school learning about being a part of the Tharian community, all in fluent Tharianise.

But there was one Tharian in particular that wasn't up on his feet yet, in fact he was still asleep, snoring into his pillow with no care in the world. It looked like nothing in the world could wake him up. Of course there was always the radio;

'_Good morning Thar! It's another great day for the Tharians! My name is Paul and I'll be broadcasting for the next three hours on the Thar radio!' _Then the annoying jingle rang out. _'THAR RADIO! THE THING THAT WAKES YOU UP…' _SLAP! 'Oh my gosh, just shut up Paul!' Roku absolutely hated that guy, even more than he hated the Grox, but we'll get onto that later…

But oh well, he was awake now and ready to start a new day as a totally awesome Space Captain. It was a very stupid and cheesy name, Roku often said that to people. But deep inside he would never change it for anything else; the cheesiness just gave it that extra bit of epicness tht made him proud to be one.

Roku sat up and stretched his wings yawning, trying to recall why he was here. Oh yes! Now he remembered! He just came back from one of those totally, amazingly, spacetaciolaus missions. This one was on a planet called Lux-5. He was out there chasing space pirates for the whole week; it totally explained why he was so tiered.

Also the 'success party' was to blame, it was a special party that the Tharians had after completing a mission, and succeeding. There was usually a load of drinking, screaming, partying and idiotic-ness involved.

Roku smiled to himself and got out of bed, that was one fun night, he never knew that he would be able to balance The Hypercube on the tip of his nose for a full minute.

The Hypercube….

A magical glowing cube with many amazing properties that fell from the sky a long time ago (Roku didn't pay much attention in history lessons). The Tharian scientists studied the cube and begun to create amazing new inventions like; flying cars, faster spaceships, cooler game consoles and hamburgers that flew into your mouth with a special type of um… whistle.

The object that made the Tharians what they are now, a SUPER advanced race, capable of standing up to the Grox, their technology putting the other empires to shame.

It also evolved the Tharians themselves, they used to be much scarier than they are now, with big bulging eyes and creepy…batty…wings. Now however, they looked much more bird like, and humanoid as well. They were orange from head to their clawed toes, equipped with a set of wings, hands and legs. Their faces and hands had no feathers on them, looking very human-like.

Thinking that Roku strolled over to the window that was overlooking the great Tharian city, with a wave of his hand the door swung open and he stepped onto the balcony outside. The cool air swooshed and wooshed through his hair and feathers as he stretched his arms over his head.

'Ahh…What a lovely, completely-normal day this will be.' He mused to himself as he took in the view of the city. The huge control tower seemed to reach space itself, Roku was struck with a memory of him and his friends sneaking into that building last night to 'borrow' the Hypercube.

He found that so funny that he started laughing on the spot, how could the Tharian council trust him with the key to the main control tower? Then again the Hypercube was nice and safe again, tucked away in the highest point of the tower. Was it even possible to destroy the Hypercube? It couldn't break could it? It hovered anyway, maybe someone should try eating it just to prove the point.

That thought was so utterly hilarious that Roku doubled over the balcony's edge laughing. As he did so he spotted a female Tharian with two cute little children by her side. The boy looked straight up at him and pulled on his mom's sleeve.

'Mommy! Mommy! Look! It's Capitan Roku!' He squealed happily. The mom didn't pay any attention to him, but the other child looked up with the same exited expression.  
'Why is he laughing on the balcony naked mommy?' She asked, at that the mother looked up straight away and spotted Roku, who was still laughing.

She looked up at him with angry expression.  
'JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE SO FULL OF YOURSELF DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHRT TO PROUNCE AROUND NAKED DOES IT CAPTAIN!' She screamed at the other Tharian who stopped laughing at once.  
'Ooops, sorry I really didn't mean to.' He quickly apologised and dived back into his room: he was sure he had forgotten to do something important today.

Just as Roku went inside his Blackberry rang, he looked at the screen it read: Harko-your best friend REMEMBER?  
Roku picked up the phone.

'Hello?'

'Yeah, hi its me.'

'Soo… You have to re-fuel your ship's engines remember?"

'Oh yeah, sorry I'm a little bit forgetful today, it must be all that red-bull I drank yesterday.'

'Yeah about that party, why is there a bruise on my left cheek?'

'I think it came from that girl.'

'Who?'

'You know that little girl?'

'No'

'She was dressed in a 'I love Groxin Bieber hoodie' and you violently screamed 'I love the Tharnas Brothers' in her face.'

'Oh yeah, I remember now.'

'So Ill see you in five minutes?'

'Yeah'

Roku quickly trotted up to his wardrobe and looked through his clothes, not that there was much choice, all black and red uniforms. After picking out his favourite one Roku fixed it on, and with a few adjustments he was done. But before he went he had to get his treasured staff of life.

He walked over to the vault closet and typed in a complicated 4 digit password, then a question popped up on the screen.  
_'What was your puppy's full name?" _It asked, it was a question that only Roku knew the answer to. He smiled and typed in:

'Polly Chubbiculous Cookie-Zanzaroth.' At once the long white staff materialised in front of him.

Roku grabbed it and dashed for the door, he sprinted through the twisting and winding corridors, pushing through the crowd of other Tharians that said stuff like 'Oooh Captain Roku!' and 'I named my hamster after you!'.Roku just ignored them and tried to get to his spaceship as quickly as he could, there was a reason why he was so famous. Roku was one of the VERY few captains to reach the centre of the galaxy, and receive the staff of life that Roku was now using to bash himself through the crowd.

To make the matters worse as Roku turned the corner he was greeted with the people he REALLY didn't want to see…  
'O.M.G It's him!' Screamed one of the female Tharians that was standing near one of the doors, there was at least seven more behind her. They all turned to Roku giving him pure, mad, fan-girl looks, accompanied by high-pitched squeals.

'Get him!' Screeched another one and before Roku knew it he was being chased down the corridor by a group of mad girls. Fortunately the door to the main silo was only a few feet away and with a few desperate lunges he burst in through the door and dashed for the ledge and disappeared down the shaft, hearing the annoyed growls from the other Tharians, as they were not practically allowed to go there.

He smiled and turned to his ship: the Tharak, it was a lovely shiny little ship. He stepped under it and pressed the lift beam. 'DNA mached with Captain Roku, access granted.'

And with that Roku was teleported into his ship.

"There is _no way _the Grox are going to take over this world and force me to run around the galaxy for weeks with two other captains. There's no way were gonna spend a ridiculous amount of time looking for a magical cube. Of all the things... that can't happen. This is just an ordinary day." He thourght.

* * *

_Yay! Chapter 1! It will gradually start sliding off the original story line...or maby not, I'm not sure yet. Anyway... did you like it? You know what you have to do..._


	2. Thar gets bombed by bombs

****

_And here is chapter 2!

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_

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**Somewhere not far from Thar (Hehe it rhymes)  
**

"CIVET! WHY ARE THERE 60000 VOICE MESSAGES ON MY SAMSUNG?" screamed the Grand Master, as he sat on his evil black chair. (Don't ask me why his chair is evil, it just is.) He had a sleepless night because his phone kept on waking him up. Every time he received the call all he heard was snickering in the background.  
"We think they came from Captain Roku of the New Tharian empire. He somehow managed to get your number and um...call you," answered Civet, in a quiet little voice from behind one of the control panels. He had never seen his master so mad, he had only known him for a few weeks but still... It was scary.

"I FELL ASLEEP IN THE AFTERNOON! NOW I'M CRANKY!" growled the dark deity to no one in particular.

"GET ME MY SPECIAL PUPPY BLANKET! THE ONE WITH THE TEACUP!" he roared into Civet's face. It made the grox's eyes close, but they were already closed since he can't look at the Grand Master... so the last sentence was completely unnecessary.  
"Ye..Yes sir!" he squeaked, stumbling off on his little grox feet, his tiny red ears shaking in fear.

When Civet came back, the Grand Master seemed to have calmed down a little bit. The grox closed his eyes as he entered the chamber. He could not look up at the Grand Master.

Civet was not good at walking with his eyes closed. He got his feet tangled up and fell right onto his face right in front of the Grand Master's throne.  
"Here is your blanket sir,"' he muttered weakly, handing the creature the blanket.  
"Oh well thank you Civet, why don't you sit down?" said the Grand Master gesturing to a chair. He quickly realised that Civet had his eyes closed.

"Its um... to your left." he added helpfully. Civet got up from the floor and fell into the chair, his eyes still tightly closed.  
"So what do those messages say master?" the grox questioned politely.  
"Well, I don't really know yet... Lets hear some then!" said the Grand Master activating a random message. (He was much happier since he had his puppy balnky)

There was silence at first, then came a slurred and loud voice of Captain Roku:

_Um...Hello? Is this like...likelikelikelikelike...um...the ummmmm...the Grand Dude? Cuz I'm like sooooo mad at you right now...cuz...cuz...cuz you are such a big piece of poo! We found your number on this leaflet and it said you are the grox god guy and we don't like the grox...and you know what? The Tharian empire is like soooooooooooo going to have a war with you...By the way do you sell twinkies?_

And it ended.

After a long silent minute Civet decided to speak up.  
"What are we going to do now?"

The Grand Master looked confused. (Civet didn't see that because he had his eyes were closed)  
Then angry.

"How DARE that orange bird disturb my peace!" he growled, "If he wants a war... I'll give him a war! Of course we all know that he will win at the end since he is the good guy in this story. But still there is no harm in trying... is there Civet?" he blabbed on.  
"No master, should I get the fleet ready master?" said Civet.

"Oh yes please Civet. You have been so helpful to me today. I might give you a voucher for free cheesecakes at Thar Marts."  
'Really?" asked Civet in a hopefull voice.  
'No!'

"But that gives me an idea..." the Grand Master added doing that weird-finger-thing-that-evil-

masterminds-do-in-the-movies-you-know-that-one-when-they-their-hands-are-under-their-chin-and-they-kind-of-get-the-tips-of-their-fingers-and-join-them-all-together-then-pull-them-apart-and-so-on-making-that-cool-evil-gesture-thing? Yeah that thing.

**On Thar in Harko's Spaseship inc.**

"Would you like some more tea Roku?" Asked Harko in a polite tone holding up a china tea pot.

"Oh yes please Harko, I'm in a mood for some more tea." answered Roku holding up a matching tea cup.

"It is a splendid day isn't it Roku?'

"Indeed," said Roku slurping his tea.

They were sitting down in Harko's workshop having a little tea party while Roku's spaceship's had it's engines loaded. As Roku was munching on his biscuit, he realized that Harko's workshop was still painted the boring color of white.  
"Sooo. How come you haven't painted your workshop yet?" he asked his friend.

"I um... I was busy. Besides I don't really know what colors to pick. I was thinking of a nice lilac color but I don't think that would go well with the tiling on the floor."

"Wouldn't orange be nice?"

'Roku you idiot, we ARE orange, it would look weird,' said Harko, taking a bite of his cucumber sandwich.  
"What about a nice baby blue?" asked Roku, not giving up.

"Yeah that would be nice, how about we go to to buy the paint today, you know...to get the job over and done with."  
"Yeah that would be fun... we can have tea at my flat and a SLEEPOVER!"

"That . Would . Be . Awesome ." said Harko, getting exited.  
"Oh my gosh that is going to be soooo fun!" exclaimed Roku, bouncing up and down on his chair. '"High five!"

They both highfived eachother when Roku's blackberry rang.

"Ooooh a text message. It says:"

/_/There is a sale on cheesecakes in Thar Mart_, _all extremely important people go there now. Take no notice of the grox spaceship hovering over it, its just for decoration. - /from Commander Bl_a_nkity Blank'/  
_

_"_This seems a little fishy..." muttered Roku.  
"It might be the tuna sandwiches..."  
"There is NEVER a sale at Thar Mart and the worst thing is that I can't reply! All of my credit is gone from last night._.." c_arried on Roku, tapping at the screen nervously. "Who the hell did we call 60001 times last night?" he exclaimed. Harko just gave him a blank look.

Wait a minute. Thought Roku, why would Commander Blankity Blank go to Thar Mart? He was much more middle class than that, something wasn't right.

"Harko could I use your phone for a sec?" asked the space captain.  
"Well of course!" said Harko, handing over his phone, "Just don't use all of the credit. I only have a little bit left."

"Whateva, can I put it on the hologram setting that we can see who we is talking to?"  
"Oh no! That takes up three times as much credit!"  
"Shut up its ringing."

At once a hologram appeared on the floor next to them.  
Both of the Tharians gasped.  
It couldn''t be.  
"Not in a million years."  
"No freakin way."

Right before them, sat the least likely person they thought they would see in this circumstance. It was Civet, the commander of the GROX. Sitting down in his snugly little chair. He jumped, surprised by the video link, spilling his smarties everywhere.

"YOU!" Exclaimed Harko, dropping his tea cup. It didn't break because of the Tharain empire's anti-brake glass.  
"Awww its little Civet! How's your foot?" asked Roku, smiling at the grox. (He stood on it in their last battle and Civet sued him for it for 30000 sporebucks. Hhe brought a new spaceship with it.)

"Ugh, its you again. How did you know it was me?" asked Civet glaring at the two tharians.

"Wait a minute! You're not Commander Blankity Blank!" exclaimed Harko.  
''Be quiet Harko, this is my story! And you're going to die in this chapter anyway," said Roku pushing his friend aside. "Well, there is NO sales in Thar Mart, commander Blankity Blank NEVER goes to Thar Marts, and the message was written in GROXIAN!" he carried, on taking a very cheesy captain pose with his hands on his hips and bracing his chest up high in the air.

"Shut up you skirt-wearing freak! You shall all die! The Garnd Mater's plan has worked!" screamed Civet, leaning forwards in his chair.

''I like my skirt! And who the hell is the Grand Master?'' roared back Roku.

"He is that guy who you cept on calling last night! Now because of you the whole planet shall be vaporised!" growled Civet, an evil smirk on his face.

"Weren't you going to do that anyway?" asked Roku.  
"Well yeah..." begun Civet, "But I had this thing going on, and my sister was getting married so I had to help with the wedding plans and stuff... Anyways. THIS IS THE FALL OF THAR!"

The link was broken and the two two tharians were left in silence. As they looked up at the sky they saw at least 17 grox ships jump out of hyperspace, heavily loaded with weapons. There was no way that Roku was going to fight that.

"We havet to warn everybody!" said Roku, finally.  
"We can't. The grox have cut off all of the communication links. But I managed to hack into their computers and find where they are going next. The coordinates are 77ΔAE-5."  
"Good, lets go. But we don't have to hurry since they aren't dropping anti-matter bombs," said Roku, strolling towards the Tharak.

As soon as he said that both him and Harko heard the sound of (guess what?) anti-matter bombs being dropped all over the city. Hearing that one of them was coming for the workshop!

'"I'M A ANTI-MATTER BOMB! AND I'M COMI'N FOR THE WORKSHOP! YEAH!" said the bomb.

They quicly jumped for the shiny yellow beam.

Roku made it.

But Harko...didn't. (GASP!)

A totally enormous, super huge, awsomastic, bombastic, nucleartastic and a load of fake-computer-affects-astic explosion exploded outside the spaceship.

A dark and horrible realization hit Roku. No one had materialized behind him. It was like it didn't even happen, or at least every fiber of Roku said that it couldn't be.

_My best friend is dead! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Now we are NEVER going to have that sleepover! Or paint the walls of your ugly workshop!_

Roku broke down onto the floor and rolled around crying for about a minute before getting up.

"Oh well... If he's dead he's dead. There is nothing I can do about that. I can only carry on doing my job as a space captain and save the galaxy from the Grand Master and Civet." he stated to himself, looking all captainany and cool again.

And so he blasted past the groxian battle fleet and into space, for some reason past a solar system that housed the next main character.

"Ooooooh a totally epic space battle..." said Roku, turning his gaze to the awesome spectacle, and changing his course for the planet.

Fore some reason he HAD to go there.

And Roku always had problems with his short attention span.

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_The next chapter will be out shortly..  
_


End file.
